When Grouchy Turns To Grace It's A Good, Good Thing.

Originally posted August 21, 2014

I woke up grouchy this morning.

It was gray here and I've been traveling a lot and I just really wanted to stay in bed until I was ready to get out.

I stole as much time as I could.  They let me.  They can be so generous, my kids.

Once I felt properly awake I called them up to me for our morning snuggle, something that's happened almost every summer morning, a naturally-born custom.  They have their favorite sides; they each prefer the arm where Their Tattoo is.  

So we were cuddling and I let them know that I was off.  "I'm not mad at you.  I'm just feeling a little bit grumpy this morning.  It'll help me out if you can just remember that and try and go easy on me, okay?  Thanks, guys."

It felt weird, my mood.  I've been in this good space of easy flow and I had a few moments of slight panic that giving in to the grouchy was inevitable.

And then, a Miracle: I remembered that it wasn't.

We can change what normal looks like.  We can change what it feels like, too.

Normal for me has become flowing.  Anything that feels stuck I'm learning how to unstick.  I have some tools now.*

And so this morning, when I felt myself giving over to the grouchy, when I was getting short with my kids and started feeling like a failure because I was still in my comfy clothes at 11:15, I remembered this: I choose how I feel.

I need to say it again because it's that important: I choose how I feel.  The perspective I bring to my situation is up to me.  

That's powerful, isn't it?  I mean, I spent so much of my life feeling like life was happening at me.  It feels revolutionary to consider that instead of life happening at us, our circumstances are largely defined simply by how we choose to perceive them.

And so instead of berating myself for my comfy, lazy morning, I decided it was just what I needed.  After a month of here-and-there, an aimless morning felt luxurious and smart.  And when we finally got out the door at close to 2:00 to do some food shopping, I felt like I'd won the day because I was buying nourishment for my family AND I'd gotten dressed.

It's all a victory if we decide it's so.

At bedtime tonight I couldn't stop snuggling my boy and kissing his still-barely-pudgy cheeks.  I apologized for my grouchiness and he replied, "You weren't grouchy today," and I about fell out of his bed.

Six months ago, today would have had significant potential to have spiraled into a heaping pile of yelling, guilt, and tension.  Instead, it turned into just another mostly-nice, mostly-non-descript day in our lives together.  

I'm making choices about how I want to feel for myself, yes, but the overarching wins belong to all of us. 

Lovin' on ya,
*E

* I'm working on a post now that details some of the things I'm doing to stay in my Zone of Flow.  I'm also talking about how I even got into this Zone.  I'm still a spiritual neophyte, but I'm feeling sure that I'm supposed to talk about my personal path-walk, and so imma do just that and hope that it's useful.